The Braggart Baron Who Bought His Battles (A Tavern Satire) [Verse 1] There once was a lord in a tower of stone, Who swore he defended the land he owned. But dragons and demons and goblins below Were troubles he hired brave others to know. [Chorus] Oh hail the lord who hires heroes! Bold in purse and slow in blows. Raise a glass and let it ring— Gold fights better than a king! [Verse 2] When goblins came crawling from under the hill, The lord wrote a contract and stamped it with skill. “Bring back their heads and I’ll pay you quite well!” Then barred all his doors when the war horns did swell. [Chorus] [Verse 3] The heroes marched out with steel in their hand, Through arrow and fire to save the fair land. They bled in the mud where the wild battle roared— While safe in his tower the lord kept the score. [Chorus] [Bridge – slower, mocking] Now some say a lord must stay safe on his throne, For kingdoms fall if the crown walks alone. But taverns all laugh when the story is told— “His courage is silver… his valor is gold!” [Final Verse] When victory came and the monsters lay low, The lord rode outside for a triumphal show. He waved to the crowd with a nobleman’s grin— Then claimed all the glory the heroes did win. [Final Chorus – loud, crowd joins] Oh hail the lord who hires heroes! Bold in purse and soft in toes! Raise your cups and loudly sing— Gold fights better than a king!
Song 06
The Lord Who Bought His Battles
A mocking tale of a boastful noble who hires heroes to fight his monsters and then proudly claims their victories as his own.
